@BumpyRIde_: I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
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@murrman5: *calls sister while babysitting for her* "the younger one says you guys don't own a snake. this true?" [kid in background] ITS LOOKING AT ME
@mikeleffingwell: One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there's never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle.
@Papa_Mex: I've learned a lot about women. Ex: if you're going to the hospital for a gunshot wound & she asks for tampons, you'd better stop on the way
@djdarrellripley: Me: Don't tell me you've never thought about having sex with me. Her: No, I never have.... Me: I asked you not to tell me that.