@JennyJohnsonHi5: I wonder if the people who camp out in front of stores for Black Friday sales realize there are online sales too.
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@QwertyJones3: We need a name for our store that shows we're on the cutting edge of technology. "How about Radio Shack?" Perfect.
@MartaEffing: I laid my tired head down on my pillow & saw the most terrifying thing I could possibly imagine: My phone. On my dresser. Across the room.
@KeetPotato: [wife putting groceries away] "where's the bread?" i got mugged "specifically for bread?" [cuts to me feeding a duck i hide in the shed] yes
@MasterOfFury: If you're only18, please don't tweet philosophy and proverb verbiage based on your first love and the difficulty of your inexperienced life.