@PanicRestroom: I wonder if the username "That Cab" is free, cause a lot of people would want to follow "That Cab"
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@Quartzjixler: People who talk with your phone on speaker like it's a Star Trek Communicator - we're trying to have a society here. And everyone hates you.
@Chumpstring: KIDNAPPER: [on phone] I'm holding your son for ransom. DAD: I have no money, what's the ransom? KIDNAPPER: Bring me one rich kid.
@LizHackett: I attempted smoky eye makeup for a holiday party tonight, but instead it looks like I survived a bar fight, so I'm going with that story.
@rancheroni: football coach: i need you guys to make a play (8 months later at opening night) football coach: wait wtf is this