@PanicRestroom: I wonder if the username "That Cab" is free, cause a lot of people would want to follow "That Cab"
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@AbbyHasIssues: I've never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that's running 30 minutes over time.
@truegritrumble: ME: *pulling up my pants* What's the prognosis, Doc? DOCTOR: You've got cancer. ME: WHAT?! DOCTOR: Haha. Jk. I'm not a doctor.
@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.
@pleatedjeans: [unzips fannypack filled with jellybeans and some fall out] Dammit [bends over to pick them up and the rest spill out] DAMMIT