@DonQuickoats: I wonder if they sell tumbleweeds on eBay, as it would be cool to have a few following me around the office wherever I go
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@TravLeBlanc: Mary and Joseph chose to have Jesus in a barn rather than spend Christmas with their families.
@Slims_Ramblings: Tried to respond angrily with "K" and autocorrect changed it to "I" so now I just sound like a fucking pirate agreeing with what she said.
@jewfacekilla: Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to hop into them. I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too