@WilliamAder: I wonder if those Gmail password hackers know how much my dog hates having to learn a new name.
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@Reverend_Scott: [sees friend at the store] "Hi" Hey "Where's your better half?" The PS4's at home "No I mean-" Where WOULD it be? Wow, dumb question.
@One2thTEXAN: *walks up to cute teller at bank* Me: you wanna grab lunch some time? T: sir, I've seen your balance. M: yea, I was hoping you'd buy.
@Black__Elvis: My favorite episode of Friends is the one where blacks mysteriously vanish and unemployed white people find affordable housing in Manhattan.