@WilliamAder: I wonder if those Gmail password hackers know how much my dog hates having to learn a new name.
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@slaughthie: I asked when my gym membership was up and the dude said "day before Valentine's Day" like I'm some genius who knows when Valentine's Day is.
@personontheweb: we just got new auto insurance and my mom was supposed to text our agent pictures of her car:
@Brianhopecomedy: Bought an ice cream cake and the cashier told me to keep it in the freezer until serving as it will melt. I gotta start dressing smarter.
@AimeeHelene1: CW: What's for lunch; smells good! Me: Well I made lasagna last night but lost a fingernail in it & haven't found it yet. CW: Me: *smirks*