@astutenewf: I wonder if when my dog follows me into the bathroom it's cause I follow him outside when he goes and he thinks that's how it works. Meh.
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@tarashoe: ah, mercury's going retrograde, that explains why i accidentally squandered my entire youth
@Rachelnoise: Him: Whatcha thinkin about? Me: How ferrets are like if a cat and a scarf had a baby.
@TheAlexNevil: My wife's celebrity "free pass" is Paul Rudd, and mine is my wife because yah right like I'm gonna walk into *that* propeller blade.
@ch000ch: my doctor refuses to fight me and i think it's cause he saw how i barely cried during my flu shot