@Yeaitsgc: I wonder if whiskey thinks about me too.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KentWGraham: If you text your boss that you can’t come in and include the poop emoji, he doesn’t ask any questions.
@bgirl314: 5: Mommy can we pee in the pool? M: NO! Neighbors kid: Why? M: Because pee mixed with chlorine produces sharks and they'll eat and kill you.
@rickkondell: The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
@DadandBuried: I'm at my parenting best when I randomly yell out "be careful!" every few minutes without looking up from my phone.