@neiltyson: I wonder what Cannibals & Aztecs would say, watching civilized people eat symbolic hearts of loved ones on Valentine’s Day.
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@WalkingOutside: I've never simultaneously loved something so much and wanted it to shut up as badly as I do with my kids.
@ThatRascalPuff: Gramps: *on deathbed* I feel like Im forgetting someth- *dies* [2 yrs later] Me: *knocking water outta my ears* *quarter falls out*
@thestlouisan: I just want to have enough followers so that my children can tweet comfortably for the rest of their lives.
@ericsshadow: Instead of a DING DONG sound, I wish my doorbell would explain to the person how much I don't want to get off the couch.