@cloudypianos: i wonder what my cat is thinking about when she sits curled up at my feet staring at me for hours and sharpening her hattori hanzo sword
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@HairyJew4Life: Me: What's one thing you don't like about your girlfriend? Him: She doesn't swallow. Me: What? How does she eat?
@Poutymcgee: *watches you carefully arrange the piles of paperwork on your desk *waits for you to finish *sets fan to "oscillate"
@John_M15: Saw an article on Facebook that a local bank was robbed. It had one like. They should probably look at that person as the robbery suspect.
@junkyardigan: I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't. So I gave it mouth to mouth.