@Rollinintheseat: I wonder why nobody told Forrest Gump's mom that all you have to do is flip over the box of chocolates and it tells you what's inside.
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@writerPT: Coworker: You look tired. Did you not get enough sleep last night? Me: Nope. Slept great! But thanks for telling me I look like shit.
@TheGladStork: When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.
@68Cly29: I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane