@ourvoyagemusic: I wonder why the ingredients on a snickers wrapper says "May contain almonds." What, is the guy who drops in the almonds a slacker?
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@SondraDeeMe: [sex in car] ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching? BF: Yes UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?
@rachiecandice: I've reached the point in my life where I'm ready for a life partner. But I'd probably be just as content with a cheeseburger.
@Parentpains: My wife said she wished she never woke up this morning. Turns out we do have something in common.