@IGotsSmarts: I wondered why everyone said I had "bed hair", until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head.
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@bridger_w: At my funeral, I'd like my family, my closest friends, and a high-pitched squeal no one can locate the source of
@Jmboyd58: *driving my date to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.