@IGotsSmarts: I wondered why everyone said I had "bed hair", until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head.
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@pleatedjeans: [Shark Tank] an armadillo clock that rolls away so you gotta get up to turn off the alarm Sounds dum- It's called the Alarmadillo OMG SOLD
@PieChord: Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
@shegotagronk: If you're ever interested in having a near death experience just tell a girl she's not hot enough to be that crazy.