@DebasaurusRex: I won't be gratified sexually until someone dumps one of those big Gatorade containers on me after.
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@UNTRESOR: [gets on Facebook] [types "you pushed me away but expected me to stay"] [everyone nods, this is considered extremely good shit on there]
@toni_goldsetin: My mom always has these great sayings for life, like "Don't count your chickens before they hatch" and "Everybody hates you."
@SondraDeeMe: Perfect one night stand: Amish person. No internet access. No phones. In the heat of passion they'll whisper the secret to apple butter.