@TheTweetOfGod: I won't be satisfied until I have enough followers to form sects that fight about how to interpret My tweets until they kill each other.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MoneypennyNaked: Every time I text this guy, he replies with "Sorry, I'm driving." It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now.
@OneFunnyMummy: I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods
@Ristolable: The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I tweeted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"