@brakco: I wont play GI Joes with my nephew until he learns to play it right. He's 4 years old, he should know better than to drag Vader into this.
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@rad_milk: as a teen did you ever steal your moms booze and fill it back up with water, or steal money out of her purse and fill it back up with water
@philmann: DAD GUIDE ON HOW TO WATCH A MOVIE: 1) put on a movie 2) don't watch it 3) read a book 4) every time something happens ask what happened
@hipstermermaid: 1886: We invented a car! 1903: We invented a plane! 1969: We went to the moon! ... ... ... ... ... ... 2015: Taco Emoji!
@buhsbaby_baby: Autocorrect just changed "carnie" to "catnip" and now all my friends think I slept with a bunch of catnips last night.