@Dawn_M_: I won't undo a retweet in case someone finds it offensive. I just knit them onto pillows and give them as Christmas gifts.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: My book was translated for the UK. Wife: They speak English. Me: *looks at the 1000 times they changed "stroller" to "buggy"* Sort of.
@novicefather: I just steam cleaned my carpets and wondered how difficult a homicide would be to clean up.
@DonQuickoats: I don't even know how my dog can even think how I might fall for the notion someone else tore apart my shoe