@sachinsebastian: I work 24/7 - which is about 3.42 hours.
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@armyVet1972: Me: Strengths? I never vomit when I'm nervous. *vomits* HR guy: Umm…you sure about that? Me: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm just super drunk right now
@bridger_w: If I die in my sleep, my only request is that you fold me up in my futon and sell it on Craigslist
@iwearaonesie: "Hello from the outsiiiiide. I must have called a thousand tiiiiimes" - me, drunk, leaving my wife another voicemail because I'm locked out
@TheAlexNevil: "In just 4 years, you can get a 4 year degree!" Yes, "university" commercial--that math checks out.