@13spencer: I work in the entertainment industry, so the only way I could lie more is if I worked in politics.
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@jdforshort: If sexual frustration could be transferred into a usable energy source, I would be sitting on a gold mine
@ScubavelliDeux: *whispers seductively in your ear* "...look at that last slice of pizza and you're dead to me..."
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: We’re playing Star Wars. I’m a Jedi and Mom is a stormtrooper. Me: What am I? 4-year-old: In the way.
@2tickytacky: I marched in a high school band, caught an armed robber, and sold girl scout cookies. All I was trying to do was find my car.