@Jessberrie: I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but the fried me for no raisin #PunYourJob
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@Donnie_Fairburn: "Umm, what are you doing? Can you not? Seriously, get off me!" - The first horse ever ridden (probably)
@SirEviscerate: "What the hell happened to you?" I got tarred by an angry mob. "What about the feathers?" I hugged some ducks to feel better after.
@pudding_club: *calls mom* "Ma I made 3 friends on twitter today" *long pause* "Mom?" *mom stares at 3 fake twitter accounts she made, fights tears* "Mom?"
@maxpalumbo5: When my youngest brother was little he was being bullied and went to my parents for help. They told him “Sticks and stones may break my bones” they then asked him to finish the phrase and he said “but chains and whips excite me” he seriously thought that was he second part.