@Jessberrie: I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but the fried me for no raisin #PunYourJob
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@Schmoodles: Sometimes I see a baby and think "Aww, I want one!" Then I find my TV remote in the fridge again and think "Yeah, maybe I'm not ready."
@GingerHotDish: "You made your bed now lay in it" doesn't really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed. And other 5am thoughts
@sublyfe2015: My mom handed me her phone to find me on Twitter... So I deleted her account, uninstalled the app, and told her it went out of business.