@JeffLoveness: "I would absolutely say I'm an introvert!" - Guy screaming to his table full of friends at brunch.
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@Godhatespants: Just heard a 15 year old call an autobiography a word selfie *points finger gun at mouth* *pulls trigger*
@Mr_Kapowski: Is my iPhone named Freedom? Yes Do I never pick up phone calls on it? Also yes, because as an American, I let freedom ring
@LurkAtHomeMom: The inventor of Gogurt has died. He would like you to open his urn along the dotted line and splatter half the ashes all over your shirt.