@InternetHippo: I would absolutely slay the dating game if looks and personality didn’t matter
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@LizHackett: "Excuse the mess; we had guests," I graciously explain, leaving out the "five months ago" part.
@UncleDuke1969: Government Shutdown: Day 4 3am: Monkey House, National Zoo A door crashes open. A triumphant screech. Ben Stiller escapes into the night.
@sixfootcandy: Kid: How did you meet daddy? Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion...
@AthenaMystique: I'd only convert to Christianity to learn how to turn water to wine. WHADYA MEAN THEY DON'T TEACH YOU THAT? WHAT'S THE POINT, THEN?