@InternetHippo: I would absolutely slay the dating game if looks and personality didn’t matter
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@WilliamAder: Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
@MoneypennyNaked: Apparently even if you delete the drunk text messages you sent last night from your phone, the other person can still see them.
@AnOrangeSNES: In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly.
@FilthyRichmond: People are so nosy, always asking me what I just injected into their neck. Don't worry about it!