@InternetHippo: I would absolutely slay the dating game if looks and personality didn’t matter
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@GrantTanaka: [calls home] son: hello me: hi, put mom on the phone son: I can't me: why son: she's too heavy
@turboescortdude: Hey babies, I can do 12 push-ups. Impressed? Doap. Typo, meant babes. Impressed? No? Oh. Well then. Impressed babies?
@TheMichaelRock: My wife sent me to the store to buy shampoo, conditioner, lotion and condoms. I'm pretty sure the cashier thinks I'm making a girlfriend.