@HomeProbably: I would be morbidly obese if food for thought was an actual thing.
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@SondraDeeMe: I put my shoes on like everyone else. I beckon for my footman, Chauncey, and he does it straightaway. Your guy probably has a different name
@Schmoodles: If I ever have a heart attack, I'm deleting my internet history before I call an ambulance. Better safe than sorry.
@HungoverLawyer: Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don't want to touch it any more than you do.