@mustlovewaffles: I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
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@Wine_Charmer: You found a baby spider in here? -Yeah, but only one. *Googles avg # of spiders hatched* *eyes widen* Just. One? [Never. Sleeps. Again.]
@mattgallo123: Not to brag, but according to this food packaging I just ate enough fancy cashews to serve 638 people.
@causticbob: I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.