@mustlovewaffles: I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
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@dhumann: Flight Attendant: "Here is the extra blanket you asked for." Me: "Thanks. Could you jam it into that guy's mouth?"
@sammyrhodes: Sometimes you feel like you've grown. Other times you pout for a few hours because your wife accidentally threw away your Tabasco sauce.
@TheNardvark: The guy who invented the mohawk was originally just trying to get his sideburns the same length.