@BiIIMurray: I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
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@MarlonBrandNO: I stuffed my mom last night. I know you're thinking I have an Oedipus complex and that's gross but jokes on you I'm a taxidermist
@Ristolable: Sorry boss, I set my alarm for 7PM instead of 7AM and that's why I haven't been at work in six years.
@HousewifeOfHell: Fluffy towels that don't absorb anything but just move water around on your body are the devil's handiwork.
@JessicaNorthey: Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar