@recoveringbapti: I would like to see more realistic math problems in schools cause there ain't no way some kid has 75 melons without stealing a produce truck
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@weirdralph: The next time someone says "expect the unexpected," I'm going to punch them in the nose and ask if they expected that.
@Glynner85: I hate when The Little Mermaid is all "who cares no big deal I want more!" Like, you already have 20 thingamabobs you aquatic scumbag relax
@robin_991: 6yo: I wish I was a bird so I could poop on peoples heads. 7yo: why do you need to be a bird? my 7yo is ready for twitter.
@trentistweeting: The amount of tinder matches I've gotten has skyrocketed since I changed my interests from "Murdering" to "Not Murdering"