@lisaxy424: I would most likely die like 45 minutes into a zombie apocalypse, and even more likely it would not be zombie apocalypse related.
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@bobvulfov: [standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible
@Robinbuble: If you post a handstand photo of yourself at the beach in Uggs you're automatically entered into an essay contest on why you love your Jetta
@rolldiggity: Decades of video games have left me WAY too confident in my ability to break open a wooden crate.
@sixthformpoet: I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.