@shariv67: I would not advise turning your frown upside down. The surgery is extremely painful and not covered by most insurance.
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@Snotgun: I've conditioned myself to only poop at work. Now my bathroom smells great but I can't take more than 2 days off w/o terrible constipation.
@Book_Krazy: *In church 9: [Whispers] Why do we have to keep sitting & standing and sitting & standing... Me: [Whispers] So we don't fall asleep 9: oh
@Reverend_Scott: Guys; if she stops responding to your messages for days, 100% of the time it's a technical problem. Keep trying.
@AndyAsAdjective: Boss, I can't come in today. Got a bad case of- *puts hand over phone* -what was it again? Daughter: Boogeritis. *to phone* It's Boogeritis.