@JimmerThatisAll: I would organize my thoughts but I'm afraid they would form a union and demand benefits.
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@AnOrangeSNES: Have you heard about the late great actor? "Wow, he's dead?" *Actor strolls in* Nope, just never on time.
@JWilsonGA: Just saw my wife's tampon string hanging out while she slept. Not sure, but I bet if I lit her fuse she'd explode bigger than any firework.
@JackieluvsUK: Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they're already in tiny little bags!
@timdonakowski: If I ever meet someone who's been in a coma since 2004, I'm trying to sell them a USB drive for $150.