@_Water_Baby: I would rather see my husband with another woman in his arms than a hammer in his hand.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: Off to the concert with my friends WIFE: Say hi to everyone for me [later] ME [individually saying hi to 10,000 ppl] This is exhausting
@thevirtualidiot: On second thought this "Thug's Life" tattoo probably shouldn't have been done in Comic Sans.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: Where are the groceries? ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean? *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*