@JimmerThatisAll: I would throw myself under a duvet for you.
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@Adam14: Me: What are you up to? Her: I'm making Chinese. Me: Cloning's unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.
@JoParkerBear: The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you, and you try to understand them in order to best tailor a revenge plot that suits them.
@midnightwhale: [police station] "sir you get one phone call." [calls 911] "hello 911 what's your emergency?" yeah a bunch of pricks are holding me hostage.
@vanluvz1: I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.