@dumbbeezie: I would watch the Bachelor if everyone who doesn’t get a rose gets thrown into a volcano
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@EasilyTempted: If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.
@Tmoney68: Yeah, I'm allergic to wheat, but I really like it so I eat it anyway. I'm a real gluten for punishment.
@Book_Krazy: New neighbor: Hi. It's nice to meet you. Me: It's nice to meet you too. This is my daughter, 9 Neighbor: What's your Twitter @ Me: DAMMIT
@SatansTongue: Aw look he's about to say his first words! "Say dada!" *baby opens mouth* Here it comes! *airhorn noise*