@dumbbeezie: I would watch the Bachelor if everyone who doesn’t get a rose gets thrown into a volcano
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@Reverend_Scott: Ways to know a guy at the bar wants to take you home: 1. He talks to you. 2. He buys you a drink. 3. That drink makes you REALLY sleepy.
@cjwerleman: Michelle Obama telling America to drink more water is the best plan I've heard for making racists dehydrate to death.