@wolfpupy: "i wouldnt be caught dead" someone throws a net over my dead corpse "gotcha!!" "noooo"
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@NatBaimel: 17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq
@SortaBadass: Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper
@david8hughes: [sees ghost in my room] Ghost: don't be scared Me: I'm not Ghost [points to wet patch]: you're a little scared Me [nervously]: oh no a ghost