@jologz: I wouldn't want lesbian parents. Not because I'm homophobic. I just don't want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
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@AmishPornStar1: If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook... It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough!
@DurtMcHurtt: I always wonder what the nurses reaction was like after I leave a half eaten sandwich in a coma patients hand.
@BlindChow: Dad: Son do u know why we named you Titanic Hitting an Iceberg? Titanic Hitting an Iceberg: Because I w– Dad: BECAUSE YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT
@Adam14: My wife doesn't have a Honey-Do list. She has a Cantaloupe list, which has all the girls I'm not allowed to run away with