@FinallyHeSleeps: I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that group of sexually repressed potheads who kept talking to their great dane.
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@rpbateman: Sometimes I tell myself that everything that I've been through in life is totally worth it. Then I laugh hysterically.
@coolidiot2000: [doctors exam] "I'm feeling a lump here. Here's another. You have several lumps." -uh oh, what does that mean doc? "it means you're fat"
@TarzanFeathers: When someone says "The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you", I'm wondering why they have a list of things to do that includes hurting me.