@FinallyHeSleeps: I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that group of sexually repressed potheads who kept talking to their great dane.
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@Dani_Feld: Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: *cries* Dr: Um, are you sexually- Me: *cries harder* Dr: .....Ok. Do you drink? Me: YES I BLOODY DRINK
@MatCro: SON: How are monster trucks made? ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: [glares] ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane
@bornmiserable: Me: This is a nice, quiet neighborhood. Real estate agent: This is a cemetery. Me: I'll take it.