@FinallyHeSleeps: I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that group of sexually repressed potheads who kept talking to their great dane.
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@Blue_Crab: My BFF asked me to watch her purse while she went to the bathroom. I asked her what it was going to do. I'm hilarious. Everyone says so.
@Mr_Kapowski: After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back "Listen idiot, you're drunk. Just go lay down"
@shutupmikeginn: if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun