@AlexvanBeek: I would've thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited 'til it was dark instead.
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@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.
@fsuflores: An ice bucket challenge ... But for when teenagers don't want to get out of bed and get ready for school.
@onion_an: Wife: He keeps his friend close so he doesn't lose him Therapist: Not a bad thing Me [yawns and a bee flies from my mouth]: Come back Alan