@AlexvanBeek: I would've thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited 'til it was dark instead.
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@Kyle_Lippert: Researchers have found why bears hibernate. "They're sad due to a break up" said one. "It's been a year Brent. Move on. I have" said another
@fightforfood: Contrary to obvious physics, you can't attach a ceiling fan to your back and fly away like a helicopter.
@Reverend_Scott: [school] Ok class, what was Abraham Lincoln most famous for doing? Billy? "Abolishing slavery." And... "Slaying vampires." Very good.
@zachreinert03: My friend said a baby crying is the best form of birth control but there was a baby bawling next door all night & my girlfriend got pregnant