@realHamOnWry: I wrote 2793 tweets in advance. So if I die tomorrow, you won’t know until 2018.
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@matt___nelson: Hate your job as a calendar maker?Need a way to get fired? Easy. ( •_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) Just take a day off
@CakeThrottle: Bruce Willis: I hate when people talk during movies, I never do it Director: Yes but we're filming the movie now, do you see the difference
@Donna_Gallers: 1. Go to the vets 2. Tell them your fish is poorly 3. Put a fish finger on the examining table 4. Do a sad face