@realHamOnWry: I wrote 2793 tweets in advance. So if I die tomorrow, you won’t know until 2018.
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@Mr_Kapowski: *ring* Her: Hello, Sex Addict Hotline Me: Help please Her: Ok sir. Let's take some breaths. Deep. Slow. In and out Me: THIS ISN'T HELPING
@FuckabillyRex: Instead of a post-workout protein shake I have mashed potatoes and gravy and instead of working out I have mashed potatoes and gravy.