@NotKevinSheedy: I yell "5 second rule"when ever a girl sits on the ground.
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@chuuew: THERAPIST: Your notes say that you "scare easily" and are "quite disagreeable". ME: *from behind the couch* That's not true.
@AnkCoupleTO: Me: [stands under majestic tree watching leaves fall] This is beautiful [2 hours later buried under a mountain of leaves] you piece of shit
@xosm: Kid: would you rather be the Evil Queen or the Wicked Witch? M: I'd rather be the Mom K: ooh, right. Much scarier.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: Shout out to vegetarians for never having ant problems. All ant scouts find is broccoli crumbs and despair, and who wants to feed on that.