@Robert_Beau: I'am drinking with my new GF and her gay friend from work. So there's 100% chance I'am getting laid and a 50% chance I'll like it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@murrman5: My boss said when I'm at work, I should lay off the Doritos. I said "you're the boss if you wanna fire Bob Dorito and his brother you do it"
@amydillon: 85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the "she" in her story is.
@sammyrhodes: I don't speak button, but if I could I'm pretty sure the button on my jeans is saying, "Aaaaah! Help me!" right now.
@Playing_Dad: Follow your dreams. Search through your dreams mail. Show up drunk on your dreams doorstep. Kidnap your dreams. Never let your dreams go.