@LucTabone: #IAmHonoredBy my 12 year old telling me he needs me. He wanted a new gadget of course but the thought was there.
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@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated
@RhinoUR: Buys valentine. Writes "I love you" inside. Mails card to self. Receives card in mail. Reads card. "Eww, why do I attract losers?"
@donni: CASHIER: One ultrathin lubricated condom. That'll be $3.25 DUCK: Can you put it on my bill? CASHIER: That's not where it goes, silly