@nPhelendriqal: Ibuprofen, youbuprofen, weallbuprofen.
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@BruceForce: Some dude told me he's had 100 times more girls than me which made me laugh so much because 100 x 0 is still 0.
@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: I couldn't sleep. Just thinking all night Me: Maybe try doing some of that here in the office during the day
@daemonic3: FRIEND: Women want guys who take charge ME: ok [later] WAITER: [to date] Ready to- ME: [shoves waiter and grabs notepad] Ready to order?