@AmishPornStar1: Ice cream is clearly God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
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@SveldtSmelt: I found where my mom hid the scissors, so everyone in my house woke up with a new haircut this morning.
@sarcasm_inc: Batman pushes a batcuffed Joker thru the crowd. "Look! Hahaha!" yells the Joker. Batman glances up at the jumbotron. GODDAMN the kiss cam.
@TweetsByTheTony: Brew coffee. Chill coffee. Use coffee instead of water to make Twice-Brewed Coffee. Win Nobel Prize. Begin to glow, levitate. Eat building.