@AmishPornStar1: Ice cream is clearly God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
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@jwoodham: What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
@WheelTod: It's amazing the little things you learn about your kids as they grow everyday. For example today I learned my 3yo is kind of a mean drunk.
@NYC_Blonde: Boys are cute how they're all "I like girls that don't wear heavy makeup" and "get down from that tree near my window or I'll call the cops"