@sixthformpoet: "Ice, Ice, Baby, Vanilla, Ice, Ice, Baby." - Worst cocktail recipe ever
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@XplodingUnicorn: My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox.
@Bizarro_Mark: The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, "I don't think it's working"
@Marlinaire: Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $1.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.