@sixthformpoet: "Ice, Ice, Baby, Vanilla, Ice, Ice, Baby." - Worst cocktail recipe ever
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@rolldiggity: Bully: "Hey, four eyes!" Me: "Don't you mean... fork eyes?" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]
@LuckyLea13: I'm thankful for my Twitter family. Without you people, I'd still just be talking to myself
@Underchilde: Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby’s mouth when you couldn’t find a pacifier.
@internetluke: Jeff is here! "Jeff from work or Jeff the guy who announces his arrival anytime he enters a room" Jeff is here!