@petemandik: I'd be far more impressed with He-Man if he went all the way and got his doctorate of the universe.
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@GrowlyGrego: Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor "Have you ever turned down heroin?" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.
@WilliamAder: To my followers in Florida in the path of the hurricane: Remember to keep your phone charged. These tweets don't "like" themselves.
@myonlymizztake: Did you guys know you get a full body massage while being embalmed? I can't wait.
@Juven_Naidoo: A policeman walks into a bar. The bar is now being charged for assaulting a police officer.