@juliussharpe: I'd be less scared of trying to take a gun from a mugger than I am of taking an iPad from my kid.
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@jergarl: [At gang interview] GangLeader: You wanna be in our gang Me: Yep GL: What qualities do you.. M: *Already snapping fingers GL: You're in
@Hormonella: SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! CAT! SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! MAILMAN! SQUIRREL! ~ Dog Acing Rorschach Test
@TheBigBatman: Do you ever get shampoo in your eyes and wonder what the name of your guide dog will be?
@joejwest: ME: Good date? FRIEND: Ok. Until he got undressed ME: Then what? FRIEND: [sticks out pinky finger] ME: Ah. Then he drank tea in a fancy way