@ddsmidt: I'd be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
@Mister_Gravity: I don't understand the big hubbub about missing divers. They're probably just underwater.
@walruslifestyle: bill nye is short for william new years eve
@goodthyngs: Would the person who has been writing my horoscope please lighten up.
@houffy: *i get home riding a pig*
Wife: Hey honey, how was the "Hog Riders" meeting?
Me: *sighs* Pointless...this one was for motorcycles too.
@pharmasean: If you're stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.