@ddsmidt: I'd be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
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@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes
@JennInTheCorner: Little known fact: Fergie stopped making music cuz she ran out of words she knew how to spell.
@truegritrumble: HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating. ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture.