@o__0Dev: I'd be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
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@joeljeffrey: Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
@Stevie_Talk: I've used my wife's conditioner even though she told me more than once not to. Because I'm a rebel. A rebel with coconut dream hair.
@DancesWithTamis: In an incredible turn of events we've been informed that the zodiac killer has killed himself after being mistaken for Ted Cruz
@ShortSleeveSuit: Vicodin: For when you absolutely have to apple scissors badger trampoline Connie seven accept substitute no steak fries