@o__0Dev: I'd be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
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@mydanimarie: Guns don't kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
@birbigs: Russian skater just explained that he is "not a robot," proving, of course, that he is a robot. #Olympics
@bryanmcc74: How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella , had the same sized feet as her ? She should play the lottery too !
@GoldenSpirals: [At Doctor] Me:I'm having chest pain Doc:Did you buy a new bra? Me:Yes! Thanks for noticing! Doc:I meant it could be causing the pain Me:Oh