@ramenfuneral: "i'd do anthony for you" - worst autocorrect fail by me
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@actualhuman01: [department store] me: excuse me sir this mirror is wrong, my mom told me i was handsome
@Ristolable: If I had a time machine I'd take 17 dollars to 1901 and buy several luxurious homes. Related: does anyone have a time machine and 17 dollars
@Jesssicle: If I drop something in the toilet, it's gone forever. I am not going in after it. Just ask my daughter. Oh, that's right, you can't.