@ramenfuneral: "i'd do anthony for you" - worst autocorrect fail by me
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@DaddyJew: "Daddy, how are babies made?" "Well son, when a man and a woman have too much to drink.."
@1_swarthy_dude: [interview for waiter position] Manager: "So how experienced are you at carrying multiple plates?" Stegosaurus: "You're kidding me right?"
@LorieGZ: I ordered a pair of shoes delivered to my house. I'm too excited to wait at home so I'm camping out at the end of my street. Send snacks?