@Godhatespants: I'd explain it to you again but I'm fresh out of crayons and puppets
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@SteveSuckington: [comes home from store] Wife: [shaking her head] Let me guess... earmuffs were on sale? Me: [wearing 17 pairs of earmuffs] WHAT?
@mcclure111: America: School 6-18 should be free. More than free! MANDATORY "Hey can you cover school 19-22 also?" No that's socialism "19-20?" SOCIALISM
@krismuscookie: *With only office supplies, she diffuses the bomb with 1 second to spare* Boss: What are you doing? Me: *shoves action figures in desk.*
@SortaSarcastic: She promised to teach me wax on, wax off. Only now my chest is bare, I'm frightened of candles, and pretty sure I still don't know karate.