@juneohara65: I'd get into a lesbian relationship just to mooch my girlfriend's hair care products.
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@Home_Halfway: If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it's an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
@mjkspeaks: God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught.
@michaelianblack: The phrase "Whatever floats your boat" is misleading because, practically speaking, the only thing that's going to float your boat is water.
@iVanillaGorilla: You know you where drunk last night when you realise you cooked your pizza for 200 minutes at 18 degrees