@JaneBadall: "I'd hit that." Clearly what my head thinks about cupboard doors and other hard surfaces when I least expect it.
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@jergarl: Romantic comedies are just horror movies where people only die on the inside. Also, my wife doesn't let me pick movies for date night.
@weinerdog4life: A good way to make friends is to crawl under the bathroom stall quickly before they can get away
@MableGertrude: I'm not saying you're on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort.